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Painting cartoon


It is always important to ensure your visual aids are theologically correct.


Cartoon - 3.9k GIF
The Area Dean insisted on seeing the church terrier.


The Area Dean came to our church on one of his regular visits, and asked to see the church terrier. "Where is the church terrier?" he kept saying, until you could almost see this cartoon in thinks bubbles above the heads of the wardens and church council. Eventually it transpired that a terrier is not only a small dog but also a list of everything the church owns (from the Old French, don't you know).

Once that was cleared up we knew what he was talking about and, having anticipated the question, we showed him a list of all the pans in the kitchen and the chairs in the vestry and the poster paints in the Sunday school rooms. But he was only interested in the communion vessels, the more tatty examples of which were taken out of the safe to show him and then put back until he returned five years later.

Cartoon - 10.3k GIF
The churchwardens had realised that all the heat was in the roof, and all the people were at ground level.


One cold day, when we had all been freezing in church, I climbed a ladder to replace a light bulb and it was really warm up there.

Note that the female members of this church all wear trousers.


Cartoon - 6.7k GIF
Down in the basement, the church wardens hid a guilty secret.


We had a heating system that used to burn vast quantities of gas and produce small amounts of heat through one big grille in the corner of the building and a second behind the communion table. In cold weather the eucharistic prayers became noticeably longer.

Then the church wardens did huge amounts of research into better church heating systems, and eventually a mighty blower was installed that made a noise like a jumbo jet taking off but could warm up the building in a matter of minutes. After all their work they just said "hmph" when they saw this cartoon.


Cartoon - 26k GIF
The Diocese did not approve of the expansion plans.


The Church of England works hard to maintain architectural standards, and told us we could not use plastic gutters on an unlisted building but would be obliged to buy cast iron at a frighteningly large cost.


Cartoon - 18k GIF
The notice board had been transformed since the man from the Odeon had joined the church.


If you have a lot of time on your hands you might have read the Zeptos page and discovered that they appeared because I was wondering how people with unusual jobs would react to Christian stuff. This was the only other attempt. I quite liked the way that Songs of Songs has a PG certificate.


When church wardens dream...


Full church? Not surprising. Warm church? Not beyond the realms of possibility. Maintenance all up to date? I could believe that. Lots of money? I can imagine that happening. PCC meeting finishing early? Ridiculous.


more in the same vein...

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Desert island church by John Parker. Contact me via the about page.